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I’m not sure where most of 2013 went, but since it’s almost December, I guess I missed it. More like I’ve spent too much time trying to ignore or forget it. Apologies to everyone for being so silent this year. Because of a number of things, I’ve felt really underwater for a long time. I hope that’s changing now. It feels like it is.
I know I’ve mentioned my work stressors. Too much to do, too few resources. The grind of doing the same job for too many years. The fact that I’m mired in day-to-day tactical issues when I want to work strategically. The fact that I’ve taken on lots of things that aren’t my job because my job doesn’t really bring me much satisfaction.
That met my health issues in a perfect storm of summer inactivity and unhealthy eating. You know that cycle where you think, “Tomorrow, I’ll have more energy and feel better, and then I’ll work out”? Yeah. That’s where I was. It’s a trap, a tomorrow that never comes because you’re feeling exhausted and worn because you aren’t being healthy. Because of that (and the 20 extra pounds resulting from it), my annual bloodwork was not as good as last year. Nothing I need medication for at this time, but my sugar and cholesterol are both heading in that direction.
Sadly, I think I might still be in that place if a few things didn’t kick me in gear. The first thing that happened was that I’ve changed jobs. I’m with the same company, but I’ve changed teams. I’m out of Operations and in Client Relations, and I’m doing things that are more in line with where I want to be heading. I’m not there yet, but after the first two weeks, I was feeling more positive, more engaged, and much less stressed. I’m two months in now, and honestly, I’m getting more positive feedback and have more visibility to upper management than I’ve ever had. That feels good.
I also am working with a team that is more professional and smarter. They’re a team in more than just name, and that feels good. I’ve never been able to trust that my old team every had my back or cared. Nor did they care if I was working myself into unhealthy states physically and emotionally.
For a time now, every morning, I’d be saying or thinking, “I really don’t want to go to work today.” And I meant it. Yes, I can be the Queen of Negative Affirmations at times, but I’ve noticed that I don’t think that anymore. I might think, “Gee, it’d be nice to fall back into bed for another two hours,” but that’s not the same thing.
My physical was the other motivator. I hate pills. I hate being on medication. I want to be off the blood pressure meds I’m currently taking. I sure as hell don’t want to add more medications to guard my sugar and cholesterol. Unfortunately, we just lost the interval training guy who did the workouts at the office, but I’ve been biking at home and eating better. Taking my vitamins in more than a haphazard way, getting more water, indulging in my taste for green tea. At least, I’m trying to.
Change is in the air. Long overdue change, and that’s a good thing. Part of the problems of the summer came from feeling like things were out of control. I was trying to control the wrong things because I felt like I didn’t have control over other, more important, things. In some cases, I actively gave up control, getting tangled up in the trap of “What does it matter?”
Autumn is my favorite season. Between the changes that are happening and the lovely cooler days and brisk nights, I think I’m on a good path. I haven’t been able to say that for a long time.
It’s a sad time for me to come back to LJ. I’m keenly aware that Carol and Jeanne are gone. I feel, in a way, like I’m the stranger at the party. I’m stressing over having something to say, which is a total flashback to my early days on LJ. Like exercising, I suppose I need to get back into a routine of writing and posting and commenting, and it will start becoming more natural. Easier.
But enough about me. I can’t promise I’m going to backtrack and get totally caught up with LJ, so I’m rebooting. Let me know what’s been happening with you, what I’ve been missing. I’ve missed you guys! *hugs tight*
I know I’ve mentioned my work stressors. Too much to do, too few resources. The grind of doing the same job for too many years. The fact that I’m mired in day-to-day tactical issues when I want to work strategically. The fact that I’ve taken on lots of things that aren’t my job because my job doesn’t really bring me much satisfaction.
That met my health issues in a perfect storm of summer inactivity and unhealthy eating. You know that cycle where you think, “Tomorrow, I’ll have more energy and feel better, and then I’ll work out”? Yeah. That’s where I was. It’s a trap, a tomorrow that never comes because you’re feeling exhausted and worn because you aren’t being healthy. Because of that (and the 20 extra pounds resulting from it), my annual bloodwork was not as good as last year. Nothing I need medication for at this time, but my sugar and cholesterol are both heading in that direction.
Sadly, I think I might still be in that place if a few things didn’t kick me in gear. The first thing that happened was that I’ve changed jobs. I’m with the same company, but I’ve changed teams. I’m out of Operations and in Client Relations, and I’m doing things that are more in line with where I want to be heading. I’m not there yet, but after the first two weeks, I was feeling more positive, more engaged, and much less stressed. I’m two months in now, and honestly, I’m getting more positive feedback and have more visibility to upper management than I’ve ever had. That feels good.
I also am working with a team that is more professional and smarter. They’re a team in more than just name, and that feels good. I’ve never been able to trust that my old team every had my back or cared. Nor did they care if I was working myself into unhealthy states physically and emotionally.
For a time now, every morning, I’d be saying or thinking, “I really don’t want to go to work today.” And I meant it. Yes, I can be the Queen of Negative Affirmations at times, but I’ve noticed that I don’t think that anymore. I might think, “Gee, it’d be nice to fall back into bed for another two hours,” but that’s not the same thing.
My physical was the other motivator. I hate pills. I hate being on medication. I want to be off the blood pressure meds I’m currently taking. I sure as hell don’t want to add more medications to guard my sugar and cholesterol. Unfortunately, we just lost the interval training guy who did the workouts at the office, but I’ve been biking at home and eating better. Taking my vitamins in more than a haphazard way, getting more water, indulging in my taste for green tea. At least, I’m trying to.
Change is in the air. Long overdue change, and that’s a good thing. Part of the problems of the summer came from feeling like things were out of control. I was trying to control the wrong things because I felt like I didn’t have control over other, more important, things. In some cases, I actively gave up control, getting tangled up in the trap of “What does it matter?”
Autumn is my favorite season. Between the changes that are happening and the lovely cooler days and brisk nights, I think I’m on a good path. I haven’t been able to say that for a long time.
It’s a sad time for me to come back to LJ. I’m keenly aware that Carol and Jeanne are gone. I feel, in a way, like I’m the stranger at the party. I’m stressing over having something to say, which is a total flashback to my early days on LJ. Like exercising, I suppose I need to get back into a routine of writing and posting and commenting, and it will start becoming more natural. Easier.
But enough about me. I can’t promise I’m going to backtrack and get totally caught up with LJ, so I’m rebooting. Let me know what’s been happening with you, what I’ve been missing. I’ve missed you guys! *hugs tight*