Musings of a Fallen Angel

Dear Yuletide Writer,

First, let me say that I'm so happy to have you writing something for me that I don't get to see every day but wish that I did. Thank you in advance for that!

I know that my prompts lean toward the slashy and the sexy. I like slash, het (though not vanilla het), and femslash. If you’re writing either het or femslash, I like strong, capable women who own their own strength, intellect, and desire. Of course, I like that in men too. I like BDSM, though more in terms of power dynamics and less in terms of highly ritualized behavior.

However, I love interesting and complex characters and good stories above all else. Even when it comes to the sexy, the sorts of stories I like best are the ones that really get inside the characters’ heads, ones that go beyond the act itself and show how it impacts the characters or their relationship. If you want to see the sorts of things I write (and like to read), I'm also Savageseraph over at the Archive of Our Own.

This is not an exhaustive list, just some things that often tend to make me smile.

LIKES
Dirty talk
The seductive power of language
Power exchanges/dynamics
Kink
Surrender (even against better judgement)
Smart, strong, capable characters
Temptation
Bondage
Angst (but not at melodramatic levels)
RPF where there’s some bleedover between actors and their characters
NonCon (usually just in FPF, unless the fic is an AU, but no AU’s for this Yuletide)
DubCon (I’ve no objections to this in RPF.)
Non-vanilla/traditional characters/situations
Explicit-rated fics (though I do like story and character with my porn)
High Passion/Sensuality/Stakes
Sexual Tension
Tension between resistance and surrender
An edge of darkness/danger
Intensity (physical, emotional, and/or situational)


While this shouldn’t be perceived as a critique of items in the list, these are things I would prefer not to receive in my Yuletide Fic.


DO NOT WANTS
Watersports/Scat
Hurt/Comfort
MPREG
A/B/O verse
Overly sentimental or cloyingly romantic fic, schmoop
Domestic fic/curtain fic
Crackfic/humor
Social issue/political fics
Characters behaving OOC for their canon
No AU’s for the fandoms this Yuletide
Weak female characters
Feminization of male characters
Angst that becomes overly emo
Woobie fics
Fluff
Character death


And now, a bit about the fandoms I've requested for this Yuletide exchange.

Guild Hunter Series – Nalini Singh

I read this series at the start of 2019, but after I started, I mainlined the crap out of it because it hit so many of my kinks. It was romantic (but not sappy), dark and gritty, had angels and vampires, had epic worldbuilding and new and interesting supernatural world: what’s not to like. I really admire Singh’s management of story arcs across novels, her worldbuilding and her characters. I do like the pairings in the series a lot, so since I’ve asked for slash, it might be nice if the fics were set before the characters find their het mates.

What would I like for Yuletide? I’d love some Raphael/Dmitri back when they were both young and struggling with their griefs and becoming brothers-in-arms (and perhaps in beds). I love power struggles, and while there is abiding friendship and loyalty between them, they do clash over things. I wouldn’t mind angry sex between them or something to take the edge off after a battle.

Of course, we’ve had teases of a less-than-platonic relationship between Ilium and Aodhan all along, and if you'd like to give the boys some post-ARCHANGEL’S LIGHT sexy time I wouldn't object. Pre-ARCHANGEL'S LIGHT longing/angst (and perhaps more) would also be good. Were they intimate in the past, but Aodhan’s trauma that lead to his aversion to touch split them apart temporarily? While I love spice and some kink, I also like it when those things highlight the characters and their relationship.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Waxwork

This was one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies when I was younger, and yes, I might have rewatched the Dracula and Marquis bits more than the rest of the movie. I'm good with Dracula/China or The Marquis de Sade/Sarah. You can feel free to mix up the pairings or have all of them together.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Critical Role (Webseries)- RPF

Calamity remains one of my delights. I loved the doomed city of Avalir and The Circle of Brass. I especially enjoyed Luis Carazo's Zerxus. His interactions with Asmodeus were electric (and seductive), and I'd like to see something of that captured in a Luis/Brennan fic where character interaction in game bleeds over into interactions between the actors.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own (or their characters’) inner demons, so much the better.


Warlock

This is another guilty pleasure film from my youth. I'd love to see a Warlock/Redferne story. The two of them get hit them with a fuck-or-die curse or magical sex pollen? Something darker where the Warlock holds Redferne as his prisoner? Redferne punishing the Warlock for killing his wife? Something else entirely?

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own (or their characters’) inner demons, so much the better.


Ruinous Love Trilogy - Brynne Weaver

I have ALL THE LOVE for Brynne Weaver’s BUTCHER AND BLACKBIRD and LEATHER AND LARK. I am counting the days until February 11 when the next book releases. I love horror, so I love the ruthless and pitiless darkness of the story, which contrasts beautifully the love and loyalty and friendship and family. I also love the spiciness and kinkiness both books have. Did I mention that when I saw one of the kinks in Leather and Lark was pegging, I squeed?

I’d love either Sloane/Rowan or Lark/Lachlan. Or possibly a group scene with all of them. I’d be fine with Lark/Sloane and Rowan/Lachlan. I’m pretty much good with any combination or grouping of the characters. While I love spice and some kink, I also like it when those things highlight the characters and their relationship.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Wicked Games Series - Kaylie Smith

This year, Kaylie Smith's Phantasma and Enchantra were two of my favorite reads. I liked the deadly games, the twists and turns, and the Grimm sisters and their love interests. I also really liked the worldbuilding with the supernatural races and creatures. So give me some Salem/Ophelia or Genevieve/Rowan goodness either during the games or after.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Candela Obscura – A Critical Role Webseries

I was very taken by the exchanges between Sean and Marion where Sean is wounded and Marion asked if Sean wanted to pee on it, and how that played out in the end when Marion is gravely wounded. The romantic/sexual play between them is delicious, and I'd REALLY love to see what happens after that scene above once the boys are safe and alone together. Guilty confession: I haven’t watched the last episode yet, but I will do so before Yuletide. While I love spice and some kink, I also like it when those things highlight the characters and their relationship.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Psy-Changeling Series - Nalini Singh

I read Singh’s GUILD HUNTER series first, and honestly, I didn’t expect to enjoy this series as much. Vampires and angels had to trump shifters and psionics. Well, I was wrong about that. I like this series just as much as the other. I do like the pairings in the series a lot, so since I’ve asked for slash, it might be nice if the fics were set before the characters find their het mates.

Two alphas in a contest of wills is one of my favorite things, and it definitely takes me to my happy place.

My favorite character in the series is probably Kaleb (one of the top tier at least), and since the Arrows are very much a lethal, creepy band-of-brothers, I’d like to see a fic with Kaleb and Judd and/or Aden when their icy control snaps. I have no issues with something forcing them into emotional vulnerability and physical intimacy against their training and possibly against their will that turns into a forbidden unleashing of physical/emotional passion (would like that to be before reuniting with Sahara).

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own (or their characters’) inner demons, so much the better. While I love spice and some kink, I also like it when those things highlight the characters and their relationship.


Having said that, I read and write and enjoy lots and lots of things that aren't really represented in my fics, so I don't want you to feel boxed in. Write what you really love, what inspires you, and it will show in the fic. If you have any questions, you could bounce them off my writing partner caras_galadhon.

I'm sure I'll love what you make for me, and I'm already looking forward to reading it!

Dear Yuletide Writer,

First, let me say that I'm so happy to have you writing something for me that I don't get to see every day but wish that I did. Thank you in advance for that!

I know that my prompts lean toward the slashy and the sexy. I like slash, het (though not vanilla het), and femslash. If you’re writing either het or femslash, I like strong, capable women who own their own strength, intellect, and desire. Of course, I like that in men too. I like BDSM, though more in terms of power dynamics and less in terms of highly ritualized behavior.

However, I love interesting and complex characters and good stories above all else. Even when it comes to the sexy, the sorts of stories I like best are the ones that really get inside the characters’ heads, ones that go beyond the act itself and show how it impacts the characters or their relationship. If you want to see the sorts of things I write (and like to read), I'm also Savageseraph over at the Archive of Our Own.

This is not an exhaustive list, just some things that often tend to make me smile.

LIKES
Dirty talk
The seductive power of language
Power exchanges/dynamics
Kink
Surrender (even against better judgement)
Smart, strong, capable characters
Temptation
Bondage
Angst (but not at melodramatic levels)
RPF where there’s some bleedover between actors and their characters
NonCon (usually just in FPF, unless the fic is an AU, but no AU’s for this Yuletide)
DubCon (I’ve no objections to this in RPF.)
Non-vanilla/traditional characters/situations
Explicit-rated fics (though I do like story and character with my porn)
High Passion/Sensuality/Stakes
Sexual Tension
Tension between resistance and surrender
An edge of darkness/danger
Intensity (physical, emotional, and/or situational)


While this shouldn’t be perceived as a critique of items in the list, these are things I would prefer not to receive in my Yuletide Fic.


DO NOT WANTS
Watersports/Scat
Hurt/Comfort
MPREG
A/B/O verse
Overly sentimental or cloyingly romantic fic, schmoop
Domestic fic/curtain fic
Crackfic/humor
Social issue/political fics
Characters behaving OOC for their canon
No AU’s for the fandoms this Yuletide
Weak female characters
Feminization of male characters
Angst that becomes overly emo
Woobie fics
Fluff
Character death


And now, a bit about the fandoms I've requested for this Yuletide exchange.

Guild Hunter Series – Nalini Singh

I read this series at the start of 2019, but after I started, I mainlined the crap out of it because it hit so many of my kinks. It was romantic (but not sappy), dark and gritty, had angels and vampires, had epic worldbuilding and new and interesting supernatural world: what’s not to like. I really admire Singh’s management of story arcs across novels, her worldbuilding and her characters. I do like the pairings in the series a lot, so since I’ve asked for slash, it might be nice if the fics were set before the characters find their het mates.

What would I like for Yuletide? I’d love some Raphael/Dmitri back when they were both young and struggling with their griefs and becoming brothers-in-arms (and perhaps in beds). I love power struggles, and while there is abiding friendship and loyalty between them, they do clash over things. I wouldn’t mind angry sex between them or something to take the edge off after a battle.

Of course, we’ve had teases of a less-than-platonic relationship between Ilium and Aodhan all along, and if you'd like to give the boys some post-ARCHANGEL’S LIGHT sexy time I wouldn't object. Pre-ARCHANGEL'S LIGHT longing/angst (and perhaps more) would also be good. Were they intimate in the past, but Aodhan’s trauma that lead to his aversion to touch split them apart temporarily?

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


The Exorcist (TV Series)

Yes, I love horror movies, and there are few things as wonderful as a really well made devil/demon movie/show/comic/etc. The only problem is that so few are well made. So one of my television delights for the years it ran was THE EXORCIST. For this fic, I’m all about the Tomas/Marcus. That ship has ALL THE THINGS that really ring my bells: temptation, seduction, forbidden acts, wickedness, penance/atonement. While I don’t want AU’s for Yuletide, I’m fine with fics set between the seasons or after the finale. I’d be interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


The Mummy Movies

In this fandom, I'd LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dark, hot kinky non-con or dub-con all the way. No woobie-fying Imhotep's pain at love lost. No, I'd like something deliciously dark and scorching hot. Feel free to wallow in temptation and forbidden desire all the way on this one. I’m fine if you want to set things in the present of the stories or perhaps come up with a story of how past-Ardeth also had dealings with past-Imhotep before he became the mummy and how that carries over into the current story. I’m good with noncon, dubcon, more than good, and I'd love a fic that's NC-17 or R.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Candela Obscura – A Critical Role Webseries

I was very taken by the exchanges between Sean and Marion where Sean is wounded and Marion asked if Sean wanted to pee on it, and how that played out in the end when Marion is gravely wounded. The romantic/sexual play between them is delicious, and I'd REALLY love to see what happens after that scene above once the boys are safe and alone together.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own inner demons, so much the better.


Critical Role(Webseries)- RPF

Calamity remains one of my delights. I loved the doomed city of Avalir and The Circle of Brass. I especially enjoyed Luis Carazo's Zerxus. His interactions with Asmodeus were electric (and seductive), and I'd like to see something of that captured in a Luis/Brennan fic where character interaction in game bleeds over into interactions between the actors.

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own (or their characters’) inner demons, so much the better.


Psy-Changeling Series - Nalini Singh

I read Singh’s GUILD HUNTER series first, and honestly, I didn’t expect to enjoy this series as much. Vampires and angels had to trump shifters and psionics. Well, I was wrong about that. I like this series just as much as the other. I do like the pairings in the series a lot, so since I’ve asked for slash, it might be nice if the fics were set before the characters find their het mates.

Two alphas in a contest of wills is one of my favorite things, and it definitely takes me to my happy place.

My favorite character in the series is probably Kaleb (one of the top tier at least), and since the Arrows are very much a lethal, creepy band-of-brothers, I’d like to see a fic with Kaleb and Judd and/or Aden when their icy control snaps. I have no issues with something forcing them into emotional vulnerability and physical intimacy against their training and possibly against their will that turns into a forbidden unleashing of physical/emotional passion (would like that to be before reuniting with Sahara).

I’m interested in the forces of attraction and repulsion, surrender and resistance. I love to see strong men/women struggling to have the upper hand physically, intellectually, and sexually over each other, and if that also involves wrestling with their own (or their characters’) inner demons, so much the better.


Having said that, I read and write and enjoy lots and lots of things that aren't really represented in my fics, so I don't want you to feel boxed in. Write what you really love, what inspires you, and it will show in the fic. If you have any questions, you could bounce them off my writing partner caras_galadhon.

I'm sure I'll love what you make for me, and I'm already looking forward to reading it!

Last month I started Jaymin Eve’s SUPERNATURAL ACADEMY series—the books, not the Peacock animated series set in the same world. I’d heard about the show and the indie author making it big with a filmic adaptation of her works story. Naturally, I was eager to dive in and get to know the characters and their world. I finished the first two books before I stalled out, so knocking out the third one is a March project. However, I think I’ve read enough to see what makes the world compelling and where the story falls short for me.

Like most urban-fantasy worlds, this one is populated by various sorts of supernatural races: vampires, fae, shapeshifters, mages, etc. At the top of the supernatural hierarchy (and the rarest of the races) are the Atlanteans, descendants of the famed sunken city, a city that some want to raise from the depths that claimed it. All this is tied up in a war between rival factions of gods: those who want to raise the city and those who want to keep it and its secrets hidden. All this intrigues me. I want to know more.

Maddison “Maddi” James, an orphaned girl on the run with supernatural powers she doesn’t understand and can’t control, is brought to the Academy to learn about her heritage and develop her powers. Naturally, she finds herself at the center of the Atlantean conflict, which also puts her in the middle of the “Atlantean Five,” the five hottest and most desirable boys at the academy.

Yes. Five. And, no, this isn’t a reverse harem story, though that would make it a bit more believable. Maddi feels an instant bond with all of them, especially the head of the hot Atlantean dude club (Asher Locke), and all his buddies are totally cool with them hooking up and love her too but never put the moves on her. Except for the lion shifter who is a bit too huggy for Asher's liking. But they’re all just friends. Really.

Really?

While readers seem to respond positively to Maddi’s sassy, snarky self, all I see is a main character who doesn’t have much agency. She’s less a fully realized main character, and more a girl things happen to. Now, to be completely fair, she does have goals at various times and does take the initiative on occasion, but neither is enough to carry the weight of a protagonist. She’s also got extreme Mary Sue-itis. For example, she arrives at the school and instantly becomes besties with the girl who brought her in and with the headmaster’s daughter. She instantly gains the ire of the mean girls club, who do little except talk shit to/about her until they do something that threatens her life. Fortunately, the hot-Atlantean guys club sweeps in to take care of them for her. If she’s in a fight that’s going badly, someone will show up to save her or one of the baddies will turn traitor and help her.

Can’t find a hidden Atlantean library with key information the team needs? Oh, it’s because it will only open for Maddi. Oh, and its “librarian” is an ultra-powerful fairy queen that thinks Maddi’s just THE BEST! Maddi can’t control her magical powers that threaten other people? No worries. The most powerful sorcerer in the world can make an amulet to help her. Oh, and he becomes her adult bestie. Maddi hasn’t spent years learning to fight like the other supes? No problem. One of the rarest and most powerful dragon shifters and his mate will teach her. And they think she’s cool, and the mate wants Maddi to join her bad-ass girls club.

For the most part, the "good" characters in the story instantly like and want to help Maddi, and the baddies hate her on sight.

And...well...for a supernatural academy series, there seems to be more time spent shopping, dressing up, going to parties, swimming, and fucking than there is in class. And classroom scenes are sort of integral to this genre. The longer ones are mostly info dumps of magical races or history. Nothing exciting like the chaos of the Cornish pixies or the infamous “wingardium leviosa” scene from the Harry Potter series.

So I find myself in the position of wanting to see how the conflict plays out in the story, but I feel like every problem that crops up along the way will have an easy/convenient solution. While I can see the glimmerings of what might be a faint character arc, the series is definitely one that is heavier on the events and ideas than on the character. I guess that’s okay. I mean John McClane in DIE HARD doesn’t have a character arc, and I still watch the hell out of that movie.

I’ve started my second week of furlough, and I’m using the time to attend ProWritingAid’s Fantasy Writing Week Workshops. The sessions are free, and while they have been a mixed bag, the solid sessions were very informative/helpful. Even some of the weaker ones gave me information about resources I wasn’t familiar with. For example, Inkarnate’s map-making software looks hella cool and like it doesn’t have the steep learning curve of something like Campaign Cartographer.

ProWritingAid runs conferences like this one to get more eyes in front of their product and to upsell free users to a paid Premium tier. The AI-driven software seemed like a robust grammar checker with some style stuff built in, so I didn’t really expect their presentation to make me consider buying the package. However, I have to admit, I was impressed by the AI and the more style—driven rules/goals they provide. Along with the ability to turn them on/off and make customizations. You can also generate reports of the analyses the program does. That appeals to my geeky little data-nerd heart.

They have a variety of document types from academic non-fiction to romance, and AI “reads” each differently and applies different parameters to them. In the fiction area, you can even do stylistic analyses where you can ask the program to compare your writing to a list of authors they have preloaded into the program. Again, my data-nerd heart was made happy by this.

I ran some of my fiction and academic papers through it to give the free version (i.e., fewer features) a test drive, and while some of the things it flagged were stylistic choices I’d made, it did pick up wrong (but correctly spelled words), areas where I could say things more vividly/concisely, and a few things suggestions in phrasing that I’d never thought of but agreed with.

I’m not sure it’s something I need to have in my life, especially in tough economic times, but since I’m making the “why you should get it/not get it” lists, I suppose I’m at least considering it.

Uh. So… February seems to have gotten away from me. Or gotten to me. Or both.

Prepping for furlough—again—and now being out on furlough is taking a toll on me. The financial toll is horrific enough, since unemployment pays the smallest sliver of what I need to get by. It covers half my rent, which leaves everything else as something that is gutting my savings. I can’t pretend that the financial toll isn’t having an equal impact on my physical and emotional health. It is. My sleep is sporadic and restless; I’m carrying lots of tension/tightness in my neck/shoulders.

It’s a constant weight dragging at me, wearing me down. Exhausting me.

I started the post below at the beginning of February as a means of a monthly check-in to keep track of how I’m doing on goals and hold myself accountable. January wasn’t a bad month overall (especially when compared to February, so my January recap is below.

###


I know at some point in the year, I’m going to feel down and that I’m off-track and not accomplishing things. That’s inevitably going to make me feel bad, want to self-flagellate (metaphorically), and give up. These little month-end round-up posts will hopefully help me realize that I didn’t just have a month of utter fail.

My first instinct was to include not just what I did but where I didn’t quite hit my goals, and then I shook myself and said, “Self, that kind of blame-riddled bullshit is what you’re trying to avoid. Only wins/good things go here.”

Words Written:

13,021 words

Fic Written:

“Ache and Absence” – The Witcher (TV). Geralt of Rivia/Lambert, Geralt of Rivia/Yennifer of Vengerberg.

“Behind the Door” – The Lord of the Rings (Films). Faramir/Boromir.

“Such a Beautiful Thing” – The Hobbit (Films). Bard/Thranduil

Poem(s) Written:

“The Fall of Solace” – Dark-fantasy, notional-ekphrastic poem.

Book(s) Read Fiction:

A Night to Surrender – Tessa Dare, Book 1 of Spindle Cove Regency romance
Supernatural Academy – Year One – Jaymin Eve, college-age magical academy romance
Supernatural Academy – Year Two – Jaymin Eve, college-age magical academy romance

Media Consumed:

Critical Role – Season 3, Eps 9 – 11, fantasy adventure web series (Twitch)
The Legend of Vox Machina – Season 1, Eps 1 – 3, fantasy adventure (Amazon Prime)
Ghosts – Season 1, Eps 1 – 4, supernatural comedy (Paramount+)
Blown Away – Season 1, Eps 1 – 8, glass-blowing competition series (Netflix)
NFL Wildcard and Playoff Games – Yes, all of them.
College Football National Championship – Go Dawgs!

Been feeling a bit down this week. Physically, I’ve been feeling worn as I fight off an infection. Mentally/emotionally, I’ve been feeling sort of washed out and drained. Faded. I think it’s all the work stress I’ve been carrying around for the last eight months flaring up again as I try to prepare for another month of losing more of my savings due to another month-long furlough. If dipping into my retirement plans wouldn’t end up screwing me in taxes, I’d dip into them a bit, but it would.

I guess part of me wanted to throw that off and not wallow (as is my normal behavior) because when I was at the grocery store yesterday, I did something unexpected. I was in the beauty aisle, since I really need to color my hair this weekend. So the hair dye is right across from nail polish, and my nails, well, they aren’t things of beauty. They’re short, and I do nibble at them from time to time. I saw the polish, and I figured I’d pick up a base/top coat to give them a little shine. Typically, I like dark, vibrant colors, but when you have short, stubby nails, they tend to look less than ideal.

When I left the store, I had no only the clear coat, but two bottles of lighter, sparkly shades. Last night, for the first time in YEARS, I tended and painted my nails. The color is called “Let’s Get Digital,” and in the bottle, it looks like a pale, icy, metallic blue with a light peachy sheen. On the nails, the blue is very subtle, so that most of what you see is the peachy sheen, which isn’t far off from my skin tone. So far, I’m really liking it, because it’s a little spark of fun, but it’s not always drawing my attention and making me think, “Gah. I hate my tiny nails.”

Challenge #13

In your own space, share a favorite memory about fandom: the first time you got into fandom, the last time a fanwork touched your heart, wild times with fellow fans (whether on-line or off-line), a lovely comment you’ve received or have left for someone. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


This one is tough because I have a lot to sift through. Hmmm….

It’s no secret to those who know me that I love The Lord of the Rings. You see I’m the sort of person who can read a mass-market paperback, and it still looks pristine. Like fresh-from-the-shelf, no-bent-corners, no-cracked-spines, no-folded-over-pages pristine. And yet, I read copies of the books into oblivion: covers torn or hanging on by a thread, the yellow on the edges of the pages wearing off, some pages coming a bit loose.

When I heard they were making the series into a films, I was both excited and terrified. Excited to have more than just the old animated film. Terrified that they were going to get it wrong, that the movies couldn’t possibly live up to my expectations as a fan of the books. While I might quibble about some things altered and/or left out of the films (Oh, my sweet, creepy barrow wights, how I missed you!), the films definitely did not disappoint.

The films released around Christmas, and the year The Fellowship of the Ring came out, we were having a bad winter weatherwise. Normally, I would drive from Cleveland to Northeast PA to spend the holidays with my mom, but since she was worried about me driving through the mountains, I stayed at home. And saw Fellowship thirty-one time. Though that wasn’t just over the holidays, it was over the theatrical run. Actually, if you add in viewings of the Extended Editions of the films in the theatre, plus a twelve-hour marathon of all the Extended Versions I’ve seen it probably over forty times. Let’s not talk about watching it at home.

I can remember the first time I went to see Fellowship in the theatre. From the opening scene and the score, I knew the film was going to be magic, and it was. Yes, I missed the barrow wights and Glorfindel (though I didn’t get bent about Arwen taking his place because I liked how that sequence played out and developed Aragorn and Arwen’s relationship). However, I was awestruck by Rivendell and Moria and Lothlorien and enchanted by the Shire. I loved the casting and performances. I adored the score. It was Middle Earth come to life, and it was everything my fangirl heart wished for. It was glorious.

After I left the theatre for that first time, I headed to the box office, bought another ticket, visited the restroom, and went right back in to see it again.

Of course, it was the films that made me active in fandom for the first time. Sure, I’d read fic and lurked in fannish spaces, but it was The Lord of the Rings that made me want to take that next step and become part of fannish communities, and I’m deeply grateful for that and all the wonderful people I’ve met along the way.



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Challenge #12

In your own space, tell us who you would recast in a film, tv series or webseries, or maybe someone voicing a cartoon or videogame. Or who would you cast to play a character in a book, comic or maybe even your own fiction! Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


Oooph. This one is a tough one for me, since I don’t usually play the casting game when I’m reading or writing. If I’m reading something that’s going to made into a movie or series, I have an idea of the characters, but I don’t immediately cast them. I suppose the closest I get is when the same role is played by different actors (e.g., different versions of Pride and Prejudice or Les Miserables), I will generally prefer one of the performances.

If someone feels miscast in a role, I can pinpoint what doesn’t work for me in their physicality or voice or performance, and sometimes I’ll think, “Y would have been a better choice for that role,” but often, I focus on the issues I had rather than going that step further and recasting the role.

I’ve tried to cast in my original fiction. I really have. I’ve spent time looking through images and art and been left feeling frustrated. I never really manage to hit the target, or I might hit it too well and feel penned in by the choice I’ve made.

I suppose that response might be similar to the “don’t show the monster until you absolutely have to” impulse in horror films. Once the monster is revealed, it has crystallized into a specific form and that frisson of dread and unease that comes from the unknown or obscured is lessened. However, leaving the realms of horror aside, once a character has been cast, they lose their imaginative malleability. I can’t play with them in my mind in the same way I can if they are grounded in a real person.



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Challenge #10

In your own space, rec a fanwork (fic, art, vid, playlist, anything!) you did not create. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


Before anyone clicks over into my recs, I tend to like explicit fics that can be darker and have an edge to them, so the recs below fit into those buckets. If you are looking for light, frothy fics, these are not the fics you are looking for. Move along. Having said that, yes, I also like other sorts of fics because it’s the characters and story that draw me in and make me read/re-read, not just the kinks/genre.

“Batter My Heart” by Aria can be found here.
The Exorcist (TV). Marcus Keane/Tomas Ortega.

When I got this fic for Yuletide one year, I almost combusted with glee. Not only did it hit a lot of my favorite kinks, but as an unexpected surprise, it also worked in one of my favorite poems, John Donne’s "Holy Sonnet XIV":

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to another due,
Labor to admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

###

Unlike Yuletide, when I get fics in any Middle Earth type exchanges, I usually have someone I know a bit (and who knows me) writing for me. For the fic series, “In the Halls of the King” Caras_Galadhon wrote me a pair of fics (for two Lord of the Rings Secret Santa fic exchanges). You can find them at the series link page here.

“In the Cavern of the King.” Thorin/Thranduil. Mirkwood Spider/Thranduil.

This fic really did surprise me when I clicked into it, because I frankly wasn’t expecting spiders. While I am deeply bug phobic, I’m good with the eight-legged hunter-killers that prey on them. And, well, I saw them in a whole new light after this fic.

“In the Chamber of the King.” Thorin/Thranduil.

Because I constantly rave about how much I loved my deeply twisted and wrong (and hot) spider fic, one other holiday exchange I got a spider-free follow up.

Since Caras_Galadhon is a friend, she said that when she has to write for me, she looks at the pairing or prompt I’ve included and thinks, “What’s the most fucked-up thing I could write with this? It should be creepy and sexy and hot.” She’s a good friend. Who knows me well. ^_^



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Challenge #8

In your own space, celebrate a personal win from the past year: it can be a list of fanworks you're especially proud of, a gift of your time to the community, a quality or skill you cultivated in yourself, something you generally feel went well. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


Honestly, there wasn’t much for me to celebrate/be proud of this last year (except maybe surviving it). But I do have one thing that I was happy about.

My sis is studying for her PhD at Florida State, and this past semester, she took a class on arts-based research. Part way through the semester, her prof asked the class to consider submitting to an exhibition they were going to be putting up in December: Art Education in Critical Times. The sis demurred for a time, since her background in the arts is stage management in theatre, not visual arts. The prof kept nudging her, and she came in for Thanksgiving with canvases, pastels, watercolors, colored pencils and markers, glass, embroidery thread, acrylic paints. Just a wealth of art-making supplies.

Her dissertation is going to be about theatre programming/community engagement targeted toward seniors to help with social isolation and emotional well-being. So my job was to write two poems that would show the extremes of isolation and connection (based in part on struggles we say with our mom as she aged). The sis painted two canvases. Each one had one of my poems sew onto it, and under the poems, also sewn in, were pictures of our mom. Some were in happy times, some were when she was ill in the hospital and at her viewing. I told the sis that our mom was going to haunt the living fuck out of her for releasing unflattering pictures of her.

The piece is called “Breaking Through,” and the canvases were hung side-by-side. People could flip the poems up to look at the pictures underneath. Since I’m not sure how readable the poetry is, the poems are below. I didn’t really title the poems, so the “titles” below refer to which canvas they are on. Each is a series of cinquains, five-line poems with a syllabic pattern to the lines: 2 syllables / 4 syllables / 6 syllables / 8 syllables / 2 syllables.

The tag on the piece says, “This piece represents the oppositional states of being between socially engaged older adults and those living with loneliness and depression. The photographs are of the artist’s mother, with poetry by the artist’s sister.”




( Rainbow Canvas Poem )


( Shades of Black Canvas Poem )


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