(Belated) January Update

[savageseraph]

Uh. So… February seems to have gotten away from me. Or gotten to me. Or both.

Prepping for furlough—again—and now being out on furlough is taking a toll on me. The financial toll is horrific enough, since unemployment pays the smallest sliver of what I need to get by. It covers half my rent, which leaves everything else as something that is gutting my savings. I can’t pretend that the financial toll isn’t having an equal impact on my physical and emotional health. It is. My sleep is sporadic and restless; I’m carrying lots of tension/tightness in my neck/shoulders.

It’s a constant weight dragging at me, wearing me down. Exhausting me.

I started the post below at the beginning of February as a means of a monthly check-in to keep track of how I’m doing on goals and hold myself accountable. January wasn’t a bad month overall (especially when compared to February, so my January recap is below.

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I know at some point in the year, I’m going to feel down and that I’m off-track and not accomplishing things. That’s inevitably going to make me feel bad, want to self-flagellate (metaphorically), and give up. These little month-end round-up posts will hopefully help me realize that I didn’t just have a month of utter fail.

My first instinct was to include not just what I did but where I didn’t quite hit my goals, and then I shook myself and said, “Self, that kind of blame-riddled bullshit is what you’re trying to avoid. Only wins/good things go here.”

Words Written:

13,021 words

Fic Written:

“Ache and Absence” – The Witcher (TV). Geralt of Rivia/Lambert, Geralt of Rivia/Yennifer of Vengerberg.

“Behind the Door” – The Lord of the Rings (Films). Faramir/Boromir.

“Such a Beautiful Thing” – The Hobbit (Films). Bard/Thranduil

Poem(s) Written:

“The Fall of Solace” – Dark-fantasy, notional-ekphrastic poem.

Book(s) Read Fiction:

A Night to Surrender – Tessa Dare, Book 1 of Spindle Cove Regency romance
Supernatural Academy – Year One – Jaymin Eve, college-age magical academy romance
Supernatural Academy – Year Two – Jaymin Eve, college-age magical academy romance

Media Consumed:

Critical Role – Season 3, Eps 9 – 11, fantasy adventure web series (Twitch)
The Legend of Vox Machina – Season 1, Eps 1 – 3, fantasy adventure (Amazon Prime)
Ghosts – Season 1, Eps 1 – 4, supernatural comedy (Paramount+)
Blown Away – Season 1, Eps 1 – 8, glass-blowing competition series (Netflix)
NFL Wildcard and Playoff Games – Yes, all of them.
College Football National Championship – Go Dawgs!

Comments

[dreamersdare]

I suspect people have already said this, but I am gonna say it again just in case: it is okay to not be okay. This absolute shitstorm of a decade that we are living through just seems to delight in hitting us all when we're down, and it is not your fault, whatever the brain gremlins might say.

But that said, I think you had a damn productive January (my February was shit too, so I feel your pain, if it helps knowing it's not just you)

[savageseraph]

Thanks for saying that. *takes deep breath*

I think that since I'm often the person other friends/family look to as a support/rock to lean on, I get bound up in trying to at least look like I'm staying strong, even when I feel anything but.

I'm sorry your February was a shitshow too. But it's March now, and hopefully that will be a better month for us both.

[dreamersdare]

I think that catches a lot of people out. But even supports need holding up sometimes (actually, I'm thinking about architecture now and thinking about how it works best if the support and the thing being held up are effectively in a reciprocal leaning relationship, and how that works best for humans too. I feel it is clear from this that I am not an architect :D).

Fingers crossed for a better March!

[savageseraph]

I like that image of the support beams supporting each other. ^_^

[severina]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I think it's great that you are making an effort to focus on the good. Congrats on kicking ass on your goals, esp. that writing figure. THAT is impressive!

[savageseraph]

Awwww. Thanks. I'm crediting the Snowflake challenge for kicking me into gear in January. ^_^